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When Birth Plans Fail

Expectant parents have been told to make a Birth Plan. This is like a wish list of what you would or wouldn’t like to happen on the ‘Big Day’. But what happens if the desires or choices for your Birth Plan change?

Author: Wintergreen

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For the past forty years, expectant parents have been told to make a Birth Plan. This is like a wish list of what you would or wouldn’t like to happen on the ‘Big Day’. Of course there are factors that influence the ability to do that, whether about your health, doctor, hospital policies or your choices.

You are then expected to discuss your Birth Plan with your obstetrician or midwife and even the staff in hospital on the ‘Big Day’. Sometimes going armed with the Birth Plan is what gives you a sense of control over your birth.

But what happens if the desires or choices for your Birth Plan change? What happens to you mentally and emotionally when what you would have preferred doesn’t happen?

Obviously the emotions can range from disappointment to outrage, from being grateful to feeling foolish or from nonchalance to acceptance. And these aren’t the only emotions. Sometimes your true emotions don’t show up until months after the birth because you’ve had time to think about the events that brought about a change.

In the title the word ‘fail’ has been used. This doesn’t always mean that a woman feels angry about the changes. Sometimes the family fully understands the need for the Birth Plan to change, but almost always there is some sense of ‘what if’ and regret. This makes sense because you have spent a great deal of time thinking about what you would like. You might also have spent a great deal of time discussing and negotiating with your obstetrician or midwife.

Obviously you have invested in orchestrating the birth of your baby in the same way that you arranged your wedding or a very special surprise or birthday celebration. Birth Plans are important and mean something.

However, Birth Plans also have a quality of wishful thinking based on a perfect birth. They can also be based on beliefs rather than the reality of the day. Often women will say: ‘This is what I’d like but if … then…’

That makes the effort put into the Birth Plan a little unstable. There’s another way to approach birth that is much more likely to produce success, that’s learning good birth and coaching skills that you and your partner use throughout the birth experience, whether you labour, or during a cesarean delivery.

A ‘Plan’ is not an ‘Action’. Actions are what get you through labour feeling in control. Plans can often change.

Actions based on a good foundation of skills can be adapted to suit the situation. Being adaptable through actions you take (using your skills) means that you can work your way through this process feeling great about your management abilities, even if the events may be less then perfect.

Birth Plans that change don’t prevent you from using your Directed Breathing, relaxing inside your Pelvic Clock or using Deep Touch Relaxation with your partner.

The purpose of giving birth is to work with your baby’s efforts to come out of your body. That’s the only thing that’s important on the day no matter where, with whom you birth, what is happening to you or around you. With birth skills your birth becomes your reality rather than a plan that can fail.

About Author

Wintergreen is a Trustee to Common Knowledge Trust which produces The Pink Kit. She is a childbirth communicator and communicates on the societal benefits of growing a skilled birthing population.

If you want to know more about Directed Breathing, the Pelvic Clock or Deep Touch Relaxation, Kate’s Cat, Hip Lift and Sacral Manoeuvre then visit www.birthingbetter.com and http://www.birthingbetter.com/who-are-you-?/special-two/expect-the-unexpected-in-chilldbirth.html

Learn more about The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®, the only childbirth preparation course that focuses entirely on birth skills for mothers and fathers for ALL births.

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