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U.S. Embassy Covoy Attack

Political satire.

Author: Peter Perfect

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Unimaginably, a U.S. Embassy Convoy was attacked on a busy roadway near Kabul, Afghanistan. U.S. ambassador, Ronald Neumann, originally scheduled to be part of the entourage, stayed at home.

Privately, Neumann confided to Rag Box that it had been his feeling for some time that perhaps the locals were not as appreciative of his presence than what had been supposed. He characterized his hosts as roadside bomb making, suicide bomb carrying, crack heads. "You're out of your minds if you think I'm going to get into a car that is as well known as Mohamed in this part of the world, and that whoever is in that car is evil incarnate. No thanks boys, I think I'll chill out until the C 130 pops in," he was quoted as saying, off the record.

Under a promise of anonymity, a witness at the scene exclaimed "The idea that there might be a roadside bomb or some suicide bombing crack head in the area caught us completely off guard. Sure. We use this road all the time between 8:00 AM and 9:15 AM. Anyone can recognize the American flags waving at the front of the vehicles."

Stephen Franzblot, attache to the State Department, went on to say that some precautions had been taken, but that the use of the dummy in vehicle No. 2 apparently failed to impress whoever was responsible for the attack.

"In retrospect, we should have made the blow up doll with blond hair so it would stand out more, so to speak," Franzblot continued. "We plan to be right back here at 8:00 AM sharp tomorrow. But this time, we'll take Abdullah Avenue instead. You can never be too careful. We may be living in a more precarious area than we had first realized. At least I'm certain of that now," posited Franzblot, pointing to his missing arm.

Franzblot, who is known by local media as a suck up, was unaware that he had been asked a second time to repeat where he would be tomorrow and at precisely what time. Someone from the back of the Press Club shouted the question and Franzblot, ever the one for the extra photo op, simply complied with the request and added," and Neumann will be there next time. You can put it in the bank."

This, it turned out, would be an unfortunate choice of words for Franzblot, The ambassador had closed his attache's bank accounts and had him scheduled to be picked up late that evening by State Department officials and be taken to a place of interest, according to the guy standing next to us.

The ambassador concluded the press conference by stating, "My failure to be there is regrettable, but hardly worthy of investigation."

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Peter Perfect

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