Total Self-Confidence Can Be Yours Through NLP & Hypnosis Article - Personality Development Leadership Articles

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Total Self-Confidence Can Be Yours Through NLP & Hypnosis

A social phobia can be a fear of talking in front of groups of people or interacting with people in some way. Self-confidence is a posture that can be created utilizing NLP and hypnosis that can help to clear away that irrational fear. Learn how this process can work for you as an individual.

Author: Alan B. Densky Ch

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A social phobia is a fear of interacting with others on a social level. Examples would be talking in front of other people, waiting in line at the checkout imagining others are looking at you, or even fear of talking on the phone.

Self-confidence is a position that allows individuals to have confident, yet realistic views of themselves and their circumstances. Self-confident people have confidence in their own competence, have a general sense of control over their lives, and have confidence that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want to do.

Self-esteem is a mentality that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect success at his/her endeavors. And that very expectation will cause a feeling of self-confidence.

For example: A man wants to be an extreme fighter, so he gets a manager and a trainer. His manager will not put him into a competition until he has developed enough skill and stamina. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a contender that he knows his fighter can conquer. When his fighter beats the competitor, he is successful, and starts to gain self-confidence in his proficiency.

With each fight, the manager puts his fighter up against a competitor who is only a slightly better rival then the last, but not good enough to beat his gladiator. By the end of the third fight, the young prizefighter begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to expand. This scenario continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter warrior is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to escalate.

As another example: A young lady who is afraid of high places wants to learn to dive into a swimming pool from a high diving board. So she finds a diving coach and he asks her to make a jump into the pool from the first step of the ladder going up to the diving board. The first step of the ladder is not truly high, so the young lady is totally confident, and she dives from that step, and lands in the water unharmed.

Next, the instructor has her take a dive from the second rung of the ladder, and so forth. I think that you are beginning to get the picture. With each incremental step she takes as she climbs higher up the ladder, since the girl was able to jump without harm, and this next step is only slightly higher then the last, the fear of being harmed factor is negligible, and the girl expects to be successful. When she dives in and is unhurt, the girl's self-confidence grows, and her expectation of success on the next step up the ladder increases.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and expect failure, which usually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Having true self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be able to do everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are attainable. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be confident and to accept themselves.

People, who are not self-confident, tend to rely excessively on the agreement of others in order to feel self-assured. They refrain from taking risks for fear of failure. They often belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.

Conversely, secure people will risk the disapproval of other people because they generally have faith in their own prowess. They believe in themselves; and they don't feel they have to conform in order to be admired.

Just because one feels confidence in one or more aspects of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel self-assured in every single area of their life. For example, a person might feel secure about their mathematical skill, but not feel confident where members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships.

How Is Self-Esteem Created Initially?

Many realities impact the course of confidence. Parents' attitudes are critical to the way children think about themselves, particularly in their formative years. When parents provide acknowledgment, children receive a good foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may begin to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior.

However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence.

Just because a person does not have confidence, it does not mean that he/she doesn't have abilities. A lack of self-esteem is often the result of focusing totally on the ridiculous expectancies of other people predominantly parents and friends. The have an influence on of friends can be more effective and powerful than that of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.

Conclusions That Continue to Control Self-confidence

In response to external influences, people create assumptions. Some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and positive ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: It's important that I am successful at every challenge I undertake. This assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. In real life each person has his strengths and his weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it is more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and imperfect. You should feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don't know everything and you don't need to.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is unrealistic. All human beings are fallible. It's well advised to develop personal standards and values that are not quite so dependent on the approval of others.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially controlled by external influences when you were a child as you grow to adulthood insight and point of view on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless based on what happened in the past

HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize Your Strengths. Grant yourself credit for everything that you can do. And give yourself acknowledgment for every new adventure you are willing to attempt.

Take risks. Adopt the point of view of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what doesn't work and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action.

Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a technique to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it is impossible to be an expert at every activity, and that it is only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are improving.

Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the scenes that you currently lack self-confidence in. But see yourself behaving like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and hypnosis procedures that will instill a superb amount of self-confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking self-confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to assay yourself independently. Circumvent the habitual sense of confusion that comes from relying too much on the opinions of others.

Want to learn more about hypnosis? Visit my free hypnosis library.

About Author

Alan B. Densky, CH. has been a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner since 1978. His website offers hypnosis CD's that will create superb self-confidence from within your unconscious mind. Three independent reviewers at Personal-Development.info in England recently put his Self-confidence CD's to the test and wrote about their results. Visit his self-hypnosis website for access to his free hypnosis research library, hypnosis & NLP newsletters, and MP3 downloads. http://www.neuro-vision.us/Products/AudioConfidenceHypnosisTapes.htm

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