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Ten Common Mistakes Made, that Might be Messing Your Kids Up, and HOW to Avoid Them! |
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| Author: Judylynn |
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First ‘do nothing and You will come out way ahead’ is the motto to follow here.
1) Double tasking and not giving your full attention to your child when they are requiring your supervision and attention. If You really do not have time say so and set up a time that You will be able to give your full attention.
2) Stopping them from saying ‘no’. When would You like your child to be able to say ‘no’? Right now is the time to be able to teach a child to be able to use this powerful word appropriately so that they know how to use it when it comes to drugs, abuse and things that are harmful to them.
3) Telling them how they are wrong for doing something without getting into their world and understanding first what they think they are doing and why. Telling them they are doing it incorrectly without going on from there and teaching how to do it differently is problem oriented versus solution oriented.
4) By reacting to an ‘offence’ from a highly emotionally charged place, You ask your child to be responsible for your emotions tied to your past. Taking a time out until You can talk calmly and handle the situation from a less emotional place always serves everyone.
5) Believing that our agenda is more important than their agenda. Immediately this sets us up for disappointment. A child from a very young age will have innate desires that they will want to play out. Are we as parents strong enough to let them? Of course You have influence in their world and yet really isn’t it your job to do what You know to support them in fulfilling their own destiny?
6) Withholding love when we are displeased with their behaviour. It really is easy to say ‘I love You and I am displeased with what You have just done’. Most often a misbehavior comes from being discouraged about something. I find myself asking often. Do I love this child enough to get into their world and help them understand what they are discouraged about so that they can feel better?
7) Avoid comments that indicate who the child is, like ‘good girl; bad girl’ or ‘You are so smart; You are so dumb’. By adding just one word BEING, You talk about an action. Example: ‘You are being such a good girl’. The child them can decide to adjust the action instead of having to change their whole self.
8) Setting them up to seek our approval. This is an interesting one. How do we set our children up to seek approval? Watch how often You personalize, criticize, or ridicule and how often do You explore their perception about what they have done, given credit and recognized the effort involved. Next time Your child says ‘look at me’, take time to ask ‘what do You think…, how do You feel You did…., how does it feel to be doing that?
9) Misrepresenting the truth. Avoid making up stories to convince your children that everything is okay. They know on some level what is going on in their lives and by giving simple straightforward information You treat them with respect and consideration.
10) With out our full attention we add darkness to a problem and contribute to the so called problem. Having the courage to ask questions instead of imposing our ‘knowledge’ on a situation may be a mighty large task.
I’ll guess it would be worth it if by finding a way to teach a child to ride their bicycle safely on the road, instead of saying ‘never do that it because it is unsafe and I got hurt once’ meant that they went on to win a prestigious cycling race as an adult. One way says ‘You can not do it’ and the other way says ‘be aware how You do it’. I know what I would choose if I was a child. Stick to the facts and avoid sharing Your greatest fears in what You teach.
Children learn what they live and to know this truth all we have to do is take a few moments to reflect back and recognize how we lived as children and what we now know to be our results and reactions to daily occurrences. Be in a Child’s world for just a moment… You say You LOVE me. Do you love me enough to keep your agendas to yourself? To work at living your life instead of asking me to live your live and adjust how things have gone down for you? I will be who I am and I will ask for your willingness to hear me and ask enough questions to get into my world.
I am from the beginning here to do what is for me to do not necessarily to fulfill what you have left undone. We are really only here for such a short time and I would like to be free to give what my gifts are. I ask that you have an attitude of independent guidance and find a way to let go of your attachment to my outcomes. I do ask that you model for me an individual living fully in integrity to self, whatever that may look like for you. In that way, I will have a greater understanding about what it looks like for me and how to do that for myself. Please teach me to have courage to forgive and come from a place of compassion and understanding.
I will recognize how to do these things most effectively by watching you do the same. Will you show me how to take responsibility for myself and my actions? And possibly the most important gift I could ever ask for is the gift of presence, the way that you could show me how to be fully present in the here and now. I may even have something to share with You about being present in each moment.
It all comes down to being present because when we are present we can see that the innocence that a child approaches life with still contains the joy and discovery that as adults we are trying to get back. When You are really ready to give your child the gift of you, then slowing down and saying nothing is the first step. Breathing and asking questions to evoke a drawing from within so that the innocence isn’t lost, covered up or to frightened to be expressed. The next step is to repeat the first.
About Author
Judy Lynn has studied the concepts of empowering children for over a decade and consults for parents across the country. She has been sharing what she teaches about parenting with parents for selfish reasons. She believes that in order to affect the world then the children are the best bet and the way to the children is to assist parents in creating an enjoyable environment for them to grow and become empowered contributors to this world in which we live. Her own life is an example of how the ability to re-parent oneself and use these concepts in parenting children brings much more joy, love and effectiveness to the whole process.
http://www.bodywealth.net
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