Steps To Forgiveness Article - Study Psychology Articles

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Steps to Forgiveness

Do you have past or present resentments that keep you stuck in your relationships? Do you feel anger or hatred toward people in your life? Do you want to find freedom from those constraints of anger and resentment? The Steps to Forgiveness can help you identify what you can do to choose forgiveness.

Author: Allison Mupas Mft

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"Forgiveness involves letting go and surrender of judgment and condemnation. With compassion, we can help others become aware of their divine nature and become lovers instead of haters. Most of all, we must not forget to forgive ourselves. We can give up the victim mentality and become victors instead. If we look through our spiritual eyes, we can stop judging and truly forgive. If we stop resisting life so much, we will stop feeling like a victim and creating a life of drama where we constantly need to forgive. That is so freeing!" Patty Hayes

To forgive does not mean we agree with or condone inappropriate behavior, it means we are willing to let go, move on or free ourselves from the burden of resentment. Forgiveness can be exhibited in many ways and can be accomplished with or without the offender present. Below are some steps to consider when considering forgiveness.

1) A) Journal or write about your feelings, what happened and let it all out. This your personal experience so just put it all down in whatever manner makes you feel good! B) If you're not a writer, find an objective person who can listen to you without giving their opinion unless it is asked for by you. Then talk it out. C) If you have spiritual connection to some greater power you can pray about it.

2) Look at your side of the event, disagreement, problem. How did you participate, do you have anything to "clean up". "Clean up" means taking responsibility for your part in the issues, disagreement or problem. It is often helpful to look at how you may do things differently next time, so you can learn from this experience.

3) Consider if you are even willing to forgive yet. If not I would recommend that you take some steps to work through the underlying feelings you are still carrying around, such as anger, hurt or a myriad of other emotions. If you are unwilling go back to step 1 and repeat until you feel willingness beginning to emerge.

4) Make the decision to forgive anyone involved in the situation. Don't forget yourself if you need it too. Decide if you need to say or write anything to anyone involved to get your feelings out and be heard. The person you are forgiving does not need to be willing or present for you to complete this process. You can ask an objective person to be on the receiving end if you don't feel safe or comfortable going to the person who you are upset with. You can visualize that you are speaking to that person when you are speaking to a friend or objective listener.

5) Let go! Keep in mind you are choosing to forgive, if you are holding on to a belief that the other person has to do something before you'll forgive you are choosing to remain stuck. If you find situations re-stimulating the old feelings of hurt you may need to repeat step 1.

Keep in mind this process is not easy but it is very rewarding and can be very freeing. Often times we have to act our way into feeling differently by reminding ourselves that we have chosen forgiveness for a particular situation or problem until we get back to that place of peace!

About Author

Allison is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in individual, couples and family therapy, and maintains a private practice in Pasadena & Monrovia, California. With over five years experience as a therapist, and a graduate of Phillips Graduate Institute specializing in working with Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered issues, anxiety, depression, codependency, and grief & loss, she is currently serving as private practitioner working with a broad spectrum of clients. Allison is an interactive, humanistic, solution-focused therapist. Her therapeutic approach is to provide support and practical feedback to help clients effectively address personal life challenges. She integrates complimentary methodologies and techniques to offer a highly personalized approach tailored to each client. With compassion and understanding, she works with each individual to help them build on their strengths and attain the personal growth they’re striving for in their lives. If you need any assistance with the process of forgiveness please feel free to e-mail me http://www.changeseeker.org or call me. 626.802.7383.

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