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Shared custody - working together |
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The family court always favors custody outcomes that are in the "best interests of the child" and as such can mandate the rights and duties of parents where shared custody (technically referred to as 'joint conservatorship') has been granted. |
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| Author: Rev. David B. Smith |
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Shared Custody is a awkward balance to get right, but if you want to avoid interference from the courts and make your custody arrangement work for the best interests of your child, plenty of thought will be necessary to determine how to make the move between the two homes as smooth as is achievable.
An example of a good method in a joint conservatorship is to set up a jointly agreed upon system of house rules in both places of residence. Often parents are tempted to instantly change rules that were a source of frustration during the marriage or that remind them of their estranged partner. Such inconsistencies though can be troublesome for the child, and even push them to accommodate their behaviour between homes.
As a result, children can become very judicious at pleasing or even manipulating situations between the homes for their own advantage in situations where parents are still emotionally vulnerable. This is not because children are basically naughty but is simply a survival strategy. A child wants consistency of rules and schedules between homes, for both personal peace and for their healthy emotional and physical development.
Developing this consistency may require recurring phone calls and meetings between parents to agree on the needs of the child and the working out of a schedule together, so that there are clear expectations and little room for emotional manipulation. Make sure, as far as is possible, that both homes are in agreement on rules regarding bedtimes, tv viewing, internet use and going out with friends.
As your child grows, these rules will, of course, need to be reassessed together and changes implemented co-operatively.
In truth, parents who move into a joint custody arrangement because they are sincerely looking to the best interests of the child need to put in the effort necessary to make it work. They also need to be ready to change the agreement should the needs of the child change.
When a child comes to a decision that he or she would now like to spend added time in the home of one particular parent, there is often an impossible guilt that they feel over choosing one parent above the other. Parents need to be proactive in freeing their little one from this guilt by making it obvious that the arrangements have been set in place to serve their best interests and not your own, and that you are therefore always open to vary them.
Research still suggests that most children are more settled in one home. Parents often see joint custody as an agreement that satisfies their 'rights', but the problem is that the child's needs will be forgotten in the process. Shared Custody is workable, and it can work wonderfully, but, as in any custody arrangment, a willingness to be flexible and to put the child first are the essential factors leading to success.
About Author
For more information on Managing the transition between homes in shared custody: http://www.texaschild-custody.com
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