Seven Secrets To Using Body Language To Get What You Want Every Time Article

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Seven Secrets to Using Body Language to Get What You Want Every Time

People think that words are the most important part of their communication, when actually tone and body language are more important. This article presents seven secrets to using body language persuasively to get what you want.

Author: Courtland L. Bovee

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We tend to think that words are the most important part of our communication. We are wrong. In fact, our words (verbal communication) account for relatively little of how we are perceived-more important are our tone (vocal communication) and our body language (visual communication).

When you want to be persuasive, it's therefore crucial to know what messages your body is sending, and how to adjust your physicality to better draw people in. Here are seven secrets to get you moving in the right direction.

1. Smile. When was the last time you were won over by someone in a bad mood? Grumpiness can be endearing in aging relatives, but it kills the sale every time. The rule is simple: be likeable, and people will like you. You are more influential in your business communication when you project an air of friendliness and positive thinking. Even someone who doesn't agree with you at first may find himself slowly coming to see your side of things.

2. Shake hands. Always greet people with a handshake: it lessens the distance between you, both physical and emotional. Use a firm grip-not too tight-and hold the other person's right elbow with your left hand. In general, subtle touching of the hands, forearms, and sometimes shoulders can be quite persuasive when done naturally and appropriately. Use your judgment and don't cross limits set by comfort or culture.

3. Open your posture. An open stance will make you appear inviting and easy to talk to-both crucial elements of influence. Don't cross your arms or hunch your shoulders; instead, use your hands to add to your argument (see number six) and straighten up that spine. Throw your shoulders back and lift or tilt your head slightly. You will project confidence and friendliness, and put the other person at ease.

4. Make eye contact. It's one of the easiest ways of establishing a connection between you and other people: hold their gaze. Studies show that public speakers who use eye contact with their audience are perceived as more persuasive than those who don't. And everyone who's ever been flirtatious knows that there's nothing like a little eye-to-eye action to arouse someone's interest. Looking elsewhere indicates boredom and apathy, two things you definitely don't want to suggest while you're trying to win an argument.

5. Nod. Active listening is an important part of persuasion, and nodding slightly while the other person is speaking demonstrates that you're paying attention. Some people are afraid to show any sign of commitment or agreement-but by acknowledging that the other person has something valuable to say, you show respect and earn it in return.

6. Match your gestures to your words. Gestures can be effective in adding oomph to your argument. Take your cue from stage actors (whose job, after all, is to persuade the audience to suspend disbelief and submit to the drama): a clenched fist evokes anger or frustration, while a palm extended upwards suggests that you are open and receptive-a better bet when getting people to your side.

7. Mirror the other person. We are often most comfortable with people who think, speak, and act like us. Thus you can make someone feel at ease simply by mirroring his actions-tilting your head in a similar manner, or speaking slowly to match his pace. Keep it understated, otherwise he might think you're mocking him (not conducive to persuasion!).

Once you've practiced these seven things, they will become automatic and natural for you-leaving you more time to study your facts and craft that winning argument to perfection.

About Author

Courtland L. Bovee, one of America's leading instructors in clear and
effective communication, co-authors several leading college-level texts with John V. Thill, a prominent communications consultant and current Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Global Communication
Strategies. Their website, Business Communication Headline News, the #1
business communication site on the web, is at http://www.businesscommunicationheadlinenews

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Seven Secrets to Using Body Language to Get What You Want Every Time