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Protecting your child from the child custody fallout |
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When mum and dad decide that they can no longer continue living together, this does not of course mean that either of them loves their children any less. |
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| Author: Rev. David B. Smith |
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For this reason though, the children can also become ready-to-hand weapons, used by one partner to damage the other. The tragedy, of course, is that this tends to hurt the son or daughter even more than the parents!
If your number one concern is really for the interests of your children, you must protect yourself from day one of your marriage breakdown, to avoid criticizing or making condemnatory statements about your ex in front of your little one.
Niggling away at your estranged spouse through little payback comments that are difficult to challenge becomes painfully clear to your daughter or son after a while, and such moanings only serve to extend the battle with your estranged partner.
Be the adult in the circumstances, so that your child, and only your child, gets to be the child.
Countless times, victimised parents give in to the temptation to have a shot at their former partner by returning kids a little later than organised, thus making a point of rights, or they consciously change arrangements at the last moment, just to stay ahead in the pay-back stakes.
Once you have separated, you need to let go of the desire to punish your former spouse for the pain you have endured together. If something seems unwarranted, discuss this with your estranged partner and don't let it build up, and be sure to take out the, "this is so typical of you" tone, especially when within earshot of the children.
When your children return to the other parent, they should not have to put up with the burden of hearing about how the other dislikes their behavior, potentially destroying what should have been a rewarding time with the other parent.
Remember that while you might resent having to be involved with your former partner for the rest of your child's life, you are expected to fulfill the responsibilities that have been born of that stage in your life that you spent together. Your daughter or son should not have to pay for that.
keep in mind that a psychological level, you are both a fundamental part of your child's identity. You strip down that identity when you put down your former spouse, as you not only create conflicting loyalties within your child, but also unconsciously destroy the view they have of themselves, which in younger years is intricately linked to their understanding of their parents.
It will always be in the best interests of your little one to have the unconditional love of both parents, and the working through of a difficult custody agreement must be directed by the careful actions of the adults involved.
Relieving your son or daughter of the trauma of dislocation, and helping them to hold on to their connection with both parents is normally the best you can do for a child. Managing your anger and moving beyond your personal aggravation with your ex can be one of the best things you can do for your children.
For in the end, you do want your little one to learn that sometimes the best relationships do break down and that things do get rough, but that, in the end, they can turn out ok! This is what inner strength is all about and developing this in your child has always got to be in their best interests.
About Author
For more information on Shielding your children from the custody battle:
http://www.custodyrights.org
Article Source:
http://www.1888articles.com/author-rev.-david-b.-smith-5341.html
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