My Teen Is Freaking Me Out! Article - Family Parenting Articles

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My Teen Is Freaking Me Out!

If you believe you have lost control of your adolescent and don't know how to re-enter his world, call for an appointment today. Together we will put you and your adolescent back on track and help you survive those fabulous adolescent years.

Author: Donna J. Martin

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Arggg! How many times do I have to tell her? Why can't he just do what he's supposed to do? We never taught them to act like that!
Does this sound familiar? If it does, you are likely the parent of an adolescent and you're having trouble figuring out how, why and when your little angel became so hard to get along with. Well, join the club. We parents of adolescents are a unique group.

We know our kids love us, but we have to believe that without much obvious evidence. It's like walking in your living room at night with the lights off. You know the couch is there although you sure can't see it in all the darkness and sometimes you stumble. When our kids become adolescents the rules of the game change. While there are numerous exceptions to these rules, some global changes take place.

Such as, they no longer seek us out to discuss very personal things.

They'd rather talk to their peers. They no longer seek our approval and make choices toward that end. They'd rather seek and get the approval of their peers. Where there was once a pretty emotionally balanced child there is now a philosopher, full of drama and just certain you don't know what you're talking about, poor, old, out of touch parent. Don't worry.

Even though it seems as if space aliens have possessed your adolescent's body and are running the show now, he still needs you and the real person will return in a few years.

Our teens need us to continue to provide direction in a world they are just beginning to navigate. They just need us in a different way. They need us to help them consider the consequences of their choices, help negotiate on most of the rules so they're fair to all, and to always, always make them aware that we are on their side and believe in them.

How do we do this?

1. Make the rules clear and make nonnegotiable rules few.
2. Be available when your adolescent does decide to talk to you. By the way, this may not be a convenient time for you, but do it anyway.
3. Keep the lines of communication open.
4. Stop yelling. No one likes to get yelled at. It makes us feel demeaned.
5. Negotiate most of the rules.
6. Be consistent with your limits. If it's ok today, it should be ok tomorrow. If it's not ok today, it should not be ok tomorrow.
7. Keep in mind that they are learning to be good adults. They are not adults yet.
8. Risky, sometimes not well thought out behaviors, are normal for teens. That's why he needs you to help him consider the consequences before he acts.
9. Our kids learn from the consequences of their actions. Be fair, but be there with consistent consequences. He needs to know what you expect.
10. Let him know when he does something you like or admire. We all need praise and reinforcement.

Enjoy your child's adolescent years. Before you can blink an eye, they're all grown up and leaving you. Suddenly, a few minor disruptions in the family harmony don't seem so bad after all.

About Author

Mrs. Martin has a private counseling practice in San Antonio, Texas where she helps families get through the adolescent years. With 29 years of experience in the field of counseling, Mrs. Martin assists parents and teens to find the beauty in their years together, with proven strategies that really work. Mrs. Martin also leads support groups for parents of teenagers. Her office is located at 9650 Datapoint Drive, Suite 108, San Antonio, Texas 78229. Phone 210-872-4534. http://www.donnajmartin.com email at donnamartin3@satx.rr.com

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