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Making it through your Custody Case |
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Custody confrontations kill people. Those who have been through a painful custody case know why these cases are associated with alarmingly high rates of both suicide and murder. |
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| Author: Rev. David B. Smith |
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Those who have been through a painful custody case know why these cases are associated with alarmingly high rates of both suicide and murder.
Family court judges often live in fear of their lives, as displeased parents often blame them for tearing their happy homelife apart. More often though, a bad custody dispute leads to self-harm, particularly in the case of males, who tend to be the ones who often feel unfairly victimized by the family court system.
The best remedy for this trauma, of course, is to escape going to court completely. Try your hardest to reach an appropriate arrangement with your ex husband or wife, without bringing in legal intermediaries.
Either way though, while your chief priority needs to be coming up with a custody arrangement that is in the best interests of your children, your number two priority must be to handle the stress of the custody arrangements without passing that pressure on to your son or daughter.
Avoid allowing your little ones to share in any of your emotional struggles that are connected with your divorce. This is especially damaging where a child is allowed to feel responsible for the failed relationship, or when one parent often plays the role of the "victim", leaving the child feeling that they need to do something to cure the situation!
Remember that your progeny loves you both, and it is not their fault that your marriage did not work. They did not cause your relationship breakdown and they cannot fix it.
You must assume the responsibility for this yourself, and if you need assistance (as we all do) you need to get it from other adults - siblings, parents or buddies - and not from your children.
The clear-cut rule is this: do not dialogue with your child about your child custody case. If they ask you how it is progressing, assure them that both dad and mom are both trying their hardest to agree on an arrangement that is most helpful for them (the child) and leave it at that.
If your child pushes you for more information, it can be very difficult to avoid going into details, but you must do your best to avoid sharing anger and frustration with your son or daughter, as you do not want your agony to become their anguish.
A qualified family counsellor can be an invaluable asset in these circumstances, for both parents and progeny. In some situations, it may even be possible (and very useful) for a trained counsellor to arbitrate discussion between a child and both estranged parents. Do not attempt this though on your own. The dynamics of such a discourse can be very tricky to control, and the stakes are just far too high if things go wrong.
Child custody cases are arduous for everybody - children, parents and the community at large - and there is only ever one appropriate basis for entering into a custody war in the first place: you are anxious for best interests of your little ones. If then you really are looking for the best interests of your progeny, be assured that it will never be in their best interests to embroil them in the pain of the custody battle.
About Author
For more information on Getting through your Custody Dispute:
http://www.custodyrights.org
Article Source:
http://www.1888articles.com/author-rev.-david-b.-smith-5341.html
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