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How To Heal A Lonely Relationship

There is always hope for what seems like a hopeless relationship. But first, both partners have to agree there is work to be done and they both have to want it to work.

Author: B Carney

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Many people feel stuck in a relationship that is unfulfilling and lonely. No matter how bad it seems, they would rather stay together for fear of the unknown. Some have children and think it’s better for them to stick it out, for now. They merely exist and all hope seems lost. There is always a lingering feeling that some day, when the kids are grown….when the house is sold….when I am more financially stable, then I can leave, guilt free.

At the same time, there is a side of them that still feels love for this person, and this is what will determine how hard they will try to heal their relationship, and begin to grow together instead of apart.

You surely have felt love for this person before; otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. All the wonderful feelings you used to share can once again return with a little patience, understanding, an open mind and a willingness to change.

I think all relationships are worth a little hard work. But it takes a commitment on both sides to agree that their relationship is worth it.

If you’re not as happy in your relationship as you once were, then it’s time to step up, and take some responsibility. To move forward from here, you both have to agree that there is work to be done, and now is the time to start. I hope you both decide that your relationship together is worth a second chance.

Over years of being together, some couples start to get slack. Somewhere along the line they stop talking to each other and start sweeping things under the rug. This is the beginning of the end. Couples must learn to respect each other, as they would their best friend. Treating your partner like an enemy will certainly chip away at its foundation until there is nothing left but dust and distant memories.

The key to a happy fulfilling relationship is to always have open communication.
Equally important as communicating, is to know when to stop talking. Learn to listen with an open mind, without looking for an argument, can take you many miles in a split second.

Once you both agree that your relationship is causing pain, and are willing to try your best, then is time to start talking to each other openly. Your feelings are a perfect place to begin. When we are in deep conversation about our feelings, things can get out of hand quiet quickly. Too many times physical violence comes into play if the conversation is allowed to continue. You should make it your top priority to avoid these types of escalations, no matter what.

Before any discussion begins, you should first establish what’s known as the STOP rule. The STOP rule cannot be broken, and if either of you call it, the other has to comply.

Simply put, during a conversation you notice that you are getting upset, this is your first clue that the STOP rule should be implemented. If the discussion is absolutely necessary, there will a time and place to talk about it later.

It’s a good idea to have a plan before an argument starts. Know what you will do before hand to calm yourself down and change your mood. Then when you are in midst of anger and tempers raging, you will be prepared for what you need to do next. No matter what you decide to do when it’s time to chill out, be sure you physically separate yourself from the other person. You don’t have to leave the house, just leave the room. Do not slam doors, smash dishes or scream and yell. This will only add fuel to the fire.
During this time, you both must honestly agree to consider the others point of view.

When our relationship is not going so well, we have the tendency to think of all the things we hate about our partner. Be on guard of this habit. Instead, try to remember good times you have had together. This will also help to calm you down.

Later, after you both are back to yourselves, set a time and date when you will try to talk again. This way there are no surprises. It is always better to talk about difficult subjects when you’re feeling close to your partner, not when you’re angry, frustrated or upset.
In the meantime, you will then have a chance to think about what you want to say in a way that won’t be too hurtful.

It’s not always about what you say, but how you say it. So giving yourself some time to reflect on what you need to say before hand, will prove to be very helpful.

When we are angry we often say things we don’t mean. Take caution when you speak, harsh words cannot be taken back and only makes the road rockier between you.

Make it a habit to listen for things you can agree with, instead of looking for all the things you can argue about.

Always make statements that begin with ‘I think’ or ‘I feel’ instead of “you, you, you”. This way you aren’t accusing your partner of anything, but rather explaining your take on the situation.

With sincere effort from both of you, this will get easier in time. After all, it has taken awhile to distance yourselves from each other, so allow the time get back on the right track.

About Author

I hope you found this article helpful as a first step in healing your relationship. If so, feel free to go to www.FromSorrowToSoaring.blogspot.com or Time4u2WakeUp.wordpress.com for more written by Buffy Carney

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