How Chronic Pain Can Affect Dating And Relationships: A Personal Story - Part 1 Article

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How Chronic Pain Can Affect Dating and Relationships: A Personal Story - Part 1

Author: Karen Braschuk

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If you’re a single person who suffers from chronic pain, you may be hesitant to “put yourself out there” on the dating scene. You may feel that romance just isn’t in the cards for you because of your limitations. You may not feel “normal” or “whole” enough to contribute to a romantic relationship.

On the other hand, if you’re a person contemplating dating someone in chronic pain, you may feel some uncertainty as to what this will entail. Will this person be capable of a physical relationship? Will they have the ability to go out and have fun? Is it worthwhile getting involved with someone who may never be able to do the normal things expected in a romantic relationship?

My favorite definition of chronic pain is “pain that has outlived its usefulness.” It could go on for three months, six months or even years. It has no rhyme or reason. It just is. It can last for a very long time.

Chronic physical pain absorbs a huge amount of emotional energy from the person experiencing it. It can also “suck dry” the emotions from the person who is dating them. If allowed, it can often become the third party that overshadows and complicates a budding romantic relationship—but it doesn’t have to. It just needs to be acknowledged and respected.

We all have an idea of “normalcy.” A woman who would usually apply mascara or a man who would normally shave every day may give up these small rituals of self-care when chronic pain sets in. It might seem like too much effort given the energy required to get out of bed in the morning. For the single person in chronic pain, the thought of dating, no matter how much they would love to have someone else in their life, may seem too daunting or perhaps even impossible.

The person who is interested in dating them, would love to get to know them better, and is more than willing to make accommodations for their limitations, may not even get the chance—because they are often pushed away. Sadly, this happens far too often.

I have made practically every dating mistake imaginable. When I was single, I was very careful not to reveal my physical condition. I thought that if I did, no one would find me desirable. I would date folks who were into skydiving, rollerblading and even break dancing! I would get to a certain stage in a relationship and then back out before they discovered my deep, dark secret—I suffered from chronic physical pain.

It didn’t matter that our personalities matched or we shared the same sense of humor or a love of black-and-white movies. There was no way I was going to let this person know who I really was. By hiding that part of myself, I was doing them a great disservice. They never really knew what hit them after I left. I never gave them the chance.

I have since learned a lot about dating and romance and the beauty of the human spirit. Chronic pain, like everything else, can be managed and overcome in a true loving relationship—but it takes a huge amount of trust and commitment on both sides. The rewards are well worth it.

In Part 2, I will address some of the emotions that each party may feel and some of the ways my partner and I have managed to come to terms with them.

If you are a single man or woman in chronic pain and are despairing about ever finding someone to love and who will return your love, please don’t give up.

If you are a person being pushed away by someone suffering from chronic pain, please step back and consider giving that person a bit more time to trust you.

Copyright 2007 Karen Braschuk

About Author

Karen Braschuk enjoys writing on a variety of topics based on her personal experience.

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How Chronic Pain Can Affect Dating and Relationships: A Personal Story - Part 1