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Friendship - Five Suggestions
Author:
Mriso
Friendship can be liberating rather than in habiting, if the two of you can establish from the beginning certain rules for freedom.
Here are five suggestions for creating more space-
1- Be cautious with criticism:-Some people get a feeling of well-being and superiority from criticizing their friends. If you are afflicted with that
plague, divest yourself of the infection as soon as possible. Alice Miller's rule of thumb is a good one: "If it is very painful for you to criticize your
friends, you are safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that is the time to hold your tongue. "
2- Encourage your friends to be unique:-Suggestion number two for loosing up your friendship has to do with the peculiarities of your friends, their eccentricities, their unique dreams. Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness. Everyone has dreams, dreams that no one else has, and you can make yourself loved by encouraging those aspirations.
3- Allow for solitude:-A non possessive friendship will maintain a profound respect for each person's need for privacy. There is such a thing as too much closeness. In all our relationships we move together and apart. It is one of the marks of a mature relationship that you can relax if your
friend is moving away from you for a while.
4- Encourage other relationships:-Jealousy according to Shakespeare is a "green-eyed monster." And it has ruined many intimate friendships. If
you get nervous when your best friend spends time with other friends or when a couple you and your mate enjoy excludes you from some of their
social activities, you need to be wary of the corroding effect of jealousy. You never have exclusive right to anyone, and you hobble your friend if
you expect to be the only person who matters.
5- Be ready for shifts in your relationship:-Let us say that your little sister tagged along with you as were growing up and were clearly the dominate
one. If you are to have a healthy connection as adults, you must give her more room, allow her to be an adult, make her your equal. That is difficult,
for years of conditioning have created a lopsided alliance. But it must change, and it can if you are prepared for shifting relationship.
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Mriso - Friendship
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