Explanatory Style - As You Explain So You Feel Article - Personality Development Positive Attitude Articles

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Explanatory style - As you explain so you feel

You can change your thinking, feelings and behaviour by taking a look at your explanatory style.

Author: Sanjay Behuria

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There is much debate on whether we think first then feel and then behave or we behave and then feel and then think about the events. It all depends on which school of thought has had an ascendance at which stage and what theories work for any individual. The question is do you run because you are afraid or do you run, save your self, and then feel scared and then think why you ran in the first place.

I do not wish to give my readers a lesson in psychology here, suffice it to say that generally everyone is right about what they think is right for them.

However, emotions are not caused by others. They are caused by what we do with those events. While it is comfortable to say that others make us feel angry, we will not be angry, unless we wish to be angry! Others
don't make us angry, we get angry at others.

Whatever the assumptions and whether we think, feel and behave or the other way round, it is we who make the choice and are responsible for that choice. So the cornerstone of change lies in what we choose and when we choose.

So if we want to change how we feel, and adopt new behaviours, then we have to listen to our self-talk. Is that self talk in alignment with our thoughts, feelings and behaviours? What happens to us when ‘bad ‘
things happen to us, what self-talk do we go through when ‘good’ things happen to us? Can we replace the self-talk when good things happen to us with the self-talk of what happens when bad things happen to us. For example, when we fail at a task, we may say "I am useless". When we succeed at a task, we say "I am smart". Now, next time, you don't do a task so well, try saying this to yourself, " I am smart, but I was not fully engaged in this task," and check how you feel? Your explanatory style can change your life.

Bad drivers do make everyone feel mad. Some have insulated themselves, some feel angry but control their feelings some make gestures and some actually get violent - as in ‘road rage’. And all this causes stress. The bad driver did not cause us stress, we caused it to ourselves, depending on how we reacted to the event. The stress levels of each of the above are different.

Those who have insulated themselves explain thus;
"I can't do anything, it will never change"? Are they helpless, resigned or don't care?

Those who are angry, but control themselves, may say;
"Well may be the driver is in a hurry, and can't wait, must be something urgent?"

Those who are angry and gesticulate;
they may say something like " Look this guy doesn't know what the
rules are, I will teach him a lesson". Are they taking on too much on themselves?

And those who get to the "road rage" stage have probably allowed the behaviour to take over their thoughts and feelings and have not given themselves time to explain.

Take care to check your explanatory style, and you may already feel better.

About Author

I am a life and executive coach. I do coaching by email, phone and in person. I have over 25 years executive corporate experience in major banks and bring a bundle of life experiences and educational qualifications to my coaching.

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Explanatory style - As you explain so you feel