Caring For Your Parents In Their Twilight Years Article

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Caring for your parents in their twilight years

Until the death of my parents last year I had visited them each weekend in their respective nursing homes. Looking back at those times I am struck by the memory of the loneliness of so many of those elderly residents.

Author: Sahayak Plowman

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My brother and sister and I would stagger our visiting hours over each weekend so as to give both my parents as much time with their children as possible. We would often comment how happy the nursing home residents were to see us come and go, or stop for a friendly chat over a cup of tea.

Recently I returned from Thailand and having visited many S.E. Asian countries before I am reminded once again of the differences in our respective cultures towards the elderly. In S.E. Asian cultures the elderly are treated with great respect and love and are an integral part of their own children's family life. Isn't it a shame that we in the West have for the most part lost this wealth of experience and wisdom, to say nothing of the love and care?

It must be a frightening realisation for parents to know that once they are no longer able to care for themselves their children will see that they are placed in an elderly residential complex for the remainder of their years.

The reality then is that one parent shall die leaving their surviving partner to a life of great loneliness, especially as is often the case, if their own children rarely visit them. Now imagine what it must be like for those elderly folk who have no living relatives or children to pay them a visit.

The thought of spending many years removed from all that is familiar to them must be a frightening reality, especially if they are confined to a wheel chair or bed.

Friendships are often found within these facilities but these are often short term due to dementia, incapacity or death. It is really a very sad state of affairs all round. One that could be so easily alleviated if families would take it upon themselves to care for their parents at home for as long as possible. Yes I know that can cause some disruption, old folk can be difficult to live with at times, but the richness in experiences they bring to the extended family are priceless.

If that is not a suitable proposition try to visit your parents as regularly as possible, they shall never forget it, and believe me in years to come you shall be very sorry if you didn't. In the sunset years of their life grandparents love to see all their family. Long standing family differences can be settled bringing comfort and peace of mind to the aged and dying.

At such times personal differences can be put aside when you realise that death is a permanent reality, in the physical aspect at least! In their final days tell them that they have been wonderful parents and that they are very much loved. Spend time chatting about all of the good times you remember having as a family together while holding their hands and hugging them, this brings warmth, comfort and peace of mind. As death approaches the dying can be very frightened especially if they don't have any faith, ask them if they would like a minister to pay them a visit. At these times inner feelings never heard before can be openly expressed bringing to those present a rare insight into inner compassion, feelings and longings.

A possibility if you are unable to visit is to hire a carer to spend time reading or chatting for a couple of hours each week to your parents. Frail bodies may be incapacitated but their minds are often alert and sharp.

Mental stimulation is very important for the elderly and unfortunately nursing homes do not cater to this need at all.

Never forget that the elderly have the capacity to fill in the gaps in our own personal history. Their personal accounts of your family tree are often enthralling helping to give you a better understanding of your extended family.

All in all they are precious, they are the end of an era, let them spend their final years with dignity, respect and most importantly love. They are a part of you and have great wisdom and love to share. Don't abandon them at a time when they need you the most just for the sake of convenience.

What's a little disruption in comparison to the love and memories that shall enrich both yours and your entire families lives.

About Author

Biography - Sahayak Plowman has been meditating with Sri Chinmoy for fourteen years. He is a happy and outgoing person passionate about the lack of care for the disadvantaged. He is the lover of fine vegetarian food, compiler of a published book of poetry and web master for Sri Chinmoy Books.com http://www.srichinmoybooks.com/

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Caring for your parents in their twilight years